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Tonight's TV: The Brothers & Sisters Season Finale

Brothers & Sisters: Michael Desmon/ABC

The wheel of rehashed story lines will have made a full 360 by the end of tonight's season finale of Brothers & Sisters (airs at 10 p.m. on ABC), only to begin turning again. Can't wait 'till we face the incest problem between Nora (Sally Field) and her brother Saul (Ron Rifkin) in season 4! I would say that I'm kidding if I didn't already think that such a "complication" isn't past B&S. But that's what season 2 has been -- impressively insipid. And while Kevin's (Matthew Rhys) wedding is pleasant, but don't expect anything else but problems you've already seen on this show 12 times. And flowers. Lots of flowers. Grade: C

Tonight's TV: Farmer Wants A Wife

Farmer Wants A Wife: Greg Gayne/The CW

Sincerity. Compassion. Love. These are just a few of the many qualities the contestants on Farmer Wants A Wife (airs Wednesdays at 9 p.m. on The CW) are looking for in Matt Neustadt, the titular farmer with pectoral muscles that could drive a tractor. Like with the scads of dating shows before it, everyone involved seems to work with their groins more often than their brains -- or neither. Then again, these are the same people who thought they could find true love in television's phoniest genre. Turns out the strike's favorite punchline is also its worst side effect. Grade: F

Weekend TV: Battlestar Galactica and More

Battlestar Galactica: NBC Universal, The Mighty B!: Nickelodeon, Carrier: PBS

--As if the crew on Battlestar Galactica weren't morose enough, Tory (Rekha Sharma) is turning into a homicidal femme-bot that tosses mommies out of air decks. Will all be revealed in tonight's episode (airing at 10 p.m. on Sci Fi) as the preview said? Hopefully, but I'd be happy to know what happened to Six (Tricia Helfer) and her fellow Cylons after last week's betrayal.

--Kids shows don't really grab my attention -- except The Mighty B! (airing Saturday at 10:30 a.m. on Nickelodeon), which features the voice of SNL's Amy Poehler as 9-year-old girl scout-lite Bessie Higgenbottoms (Awesome. Name.), whose out to collect every merit badge so that she can become the titular superhero.

--Carrier (on PBS; check local listings for airtime) takes us aboard the U.S.S. Nimitz for a uninhibited look into the lives of the nuclear-powered aircraft carrier's 5,000 crew members. This is the kind of documentary that's so raw, you can't believe it's happening.

Gossip Girls Returns...to TV Screens Only

In the latest episode of Television Networks Do the Darnedest Things, CW poster child Gossip Girl returns with five post-strike episodes to be aired in a new, Monday nights at 8 p.m. timeslot -- and the thousands of 15-year-old girls who watch it better remember to set their DVRs, because TV's the only place where they're going to get their Gossip fix.

In a harebrained scheme, The CW has decided not to stream the remaining five episodes on its website after they air, in what C-Dub President Dawn Ostroff calls in an interview with TV Guide, an "experiment," to "see if we can grow the ratings by keeping these five episodes exclusive to our airwaves."

Yeah, I know: Huuuuuuuuh?

Weekend TV: Brothers & Sisters Return and More

Brothers & Sisters: ABC

Those boozy Walkers are back for four more episodes of whining, reeling, and drinking -- and Rob Lowe wears business casual! Forced enthusiasm! I tease because I once loved, even it was for about two episodes. Last season. What started out as a show that pathetically tried to interject teary monologues with political policy has become a slightly less pathetic show about being generally upset about...stuff?

The point of Brothers & Sisters (airs Sundays at 10 p.m.; ABC) is indiscernible, as is the chemistry among the siblings, who all seem like they would rather have their own shows than share this one. Sunday's episode -- like every episode -- has the petulant Walker children screaming at their mother (Sally Field, master hand-wringer) after her beau (guest star Danny Glover) threatens to take her away. She'd be better off. Grade: C

Synergy At its Greatest? American Idol Contestants Sing Mariah Carey Songs on the Release Date of Mariah Carey's New Album. Canny, No?

I find it very, very interesting that American Idol contestants are singing Mariah Carey songs on the very day that Mariah Carey's new album, E=MC^2. Yeah, I'm still going to watch, but I won't be able to watch without reeling from the icky, product-placement-y overlay. And if David Archuleta sings "We Belong Together," I give up.

Tonight's TV: Bones Returns and More

Bones: Ray Mickshaw/FOX

Interesting scheduling choice made by Fox -- I know Bones (airs at 8 p.m.) has been building a pretty solid audience over the last couple seasons, but is it strong enough to open a night all on its own? New Amsterdam could use Bones-sized numbers if it expects to see another season, which I have to say seems very unlikely. (It's barely-decent 6.5 million or so viewers a week is made worse by CBS' formidable comedies, which score double-digit ratings every week with ease.) Anyways, tonight's episode is about a motorcyclist who turns up dead. (Surprise!) I bet Brennan (Emily Deschanel) and Booth (David Boreanaz) solve it. Any takers?

Tonight's TV: A Room With a View

A Room with a View: Sophie Molins/
IWC Media for MASTERPIECE

Now that we're done with Jane Austen, PBS' seminal Masterpiece Theatre focuses on other authors -- this week it's E.M. Forster's A Room With a View (check local listings for airtime), about another girl (Elaine Cassidy) who travels abroad, falls for a man (Rafe Spall) beneath her social status,  but doesn't realize it until she's ostensibly too late. Though sharply written by Andrew Davies (who also penned the illustrious Pride & Prejudice adaptation for BBC), the amended ending is neither necessary or worthy. Grade: B-

OMFG: Gossip Girl is Returning Soon

Know how I know? See after the jump. (Warning: potentially NSFW)

Tonight's TV: Samantha Who? Returns

Samantha Who?: ABC

"I feel like I haven't seen you in forever." That's what opens tonight's episode of amnesia-stricken comedy Samantha Who? (airing at 9:30 p.m. on ABC) -- actually, call it more anemia-stricken if anything. Like the aforementioned clunker said by Barry Watson's otherwise affable Todd, Samantha Who? isn't nearly as clever as it thinks it is, and the pitfall I worried about when I originally reviewed it last fall has taken this breezy (and forgettable) comedy under. Still, Christina Applegate is great with her furrowed-browed gumption, and Jean Smart can handle any B-story you throw at her -- just don't expect much more. Grade: C+

Geeky Euphoria with a Dash of Political Intrigue: The Final Season of Battlestar Galactica Reviewed

Battlestar Galactica: Justin Stephens

Battlestar Galactica (airing Fridays at 10 p.m. on Sci-Fi) always seems to enter a new season with a collective gripe from both the fervent fanboys and television critics: "Why is it that no one bothers to watch this brilliant, brilliant show?" To which I say: "Have you heard the title?" Would you get an emotionally taut, deftly relevant, celestial drama centered around the human condition out of a title like Battlestar Galactica? That airs on Friday nights on Sci-Fi, home of such lowbrow fare like Rock Monster?

You wouldn't, and that's Battlestar's greatest accomplishment -- it turned what was supposed to be a rehashed "re-imagining" of the cornfest 1978 ABC series into one of TV's most important series, delving deep into raw human emotion without ever sacrificing what most of the marginal fan base initially signed-up for: star-dotted laser battles, dangerously attractive women, an intrinsic, overarching mythology, and deep, inside-baseball colloquialisms that would signify "frak" as the go-to replacement for another four-letter expletive. The geeks and intellectuals can hang out together, and no one loses any fingers. It's a polarizing effect.

And like the fanboys always cry, Battlestar Galactica has never been about science fiction. It's an allegory that just so happens to be set in a different reality, one where the human race has been whittled down to less than 50,000, and Earth is merely a story in a book. Oh, and there's the Cylons (a mechanical race created by humans as quintessential slaves), whose evolution into thinking, breathing, humanoid beings has been the series' centerpiece sticking point, facilitating many a tale of politics, religion, and humanity.

Its fourth and (sadly) final season picks-up immediately where we left season 3 -- with Lee "Apollo" Adama (Jamie Bamber) ascending a throng of Cylon battleships as Kara "Starbuck" Thrace (Katee Sackhoff) glides next to him, telling him that she's been to Earth, and knows how to get them there. This comes after she was assumed dead -- for nearly six months in the show's timeline.

What else happens I can't say -- Sci-Fi is putting everyone who received a screener under a strict confidentiality agreement. All I can say is this: Starbuck's return creates palpable tension amongst the crew, Baltar's (the wonderfully teary James Callis) significance will be made clear, and the opening and closing minutes are important to the mythology. One more thing: it's fraking good. Grade: A-

[UPDATE: Battlestar Galactica airs Fridays at 10 p.m. on Sci-Fi. Also: trackbacks have been enabled.]

The Farmer Wants A Wife Press Kit Gives Me Hay Fever

Sometimes you think things could never, ever happen, but they do. Oh they do. So naive I am to believe that the impossible could not invariably be done. After the jump I have a photo containing the contents of the Farmer Wants A Wife press kit mailed to me today. It oddly disturbs me.